I’m not who I was…

God has blessed me, as I have mentioned before, with amazing, holy, inspiring women, who have lifted me up and inspired me to grow closer to Jesus, through their love of Him.  I have learned new and wonderful ways of making our journey toward an eternal family more Christ-centered.  Their example and fellowship has been invaluable and I am abundantly grateful to God for His generosity in leading me to them.

As I have explained before…  God has been very busy in my life, and I thank Him… often.  I am climbing the mountain, toward him… slowly. 

Jesus explains to Simon in the Gospel according to Luke, chapter 7 –

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said…

Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown.”

Well, because He has been so merciful, to have forgiven me for my past, my love is indeed great!  He is so merciful and generous with His love for me.  He continues to spoil me and draw me closer to Him daily.

I recently read in The Way of Salvation and of Perfection, by De Ligouri, the true loss that souls feel after death, when separated from God by their choices here on earth.  How truly they learn to hate God because “they will not be able to love Him, to behold Him…”  they will finally know, having been removed from the world, the true goodness of God and there is nothing they can do about it.  Nothing…  this is why they choose to hate Him…  this soul “will even feel itself forced by its sins to hate him; and this will be its hell of hells, to know that it hates a God who is infinitely lovely.  It will desire that it were possible to destroy God, to whom it is hateful; and to destroy itself, hating God; and this will be the eternal occupation of this unhappy soul.”

My heart was so heavy thinking of the souls that do not choose to turn to Him on their earthly pilgrimage, then I pondered…  what if He had chosen to take me when my life was on a different path?… one that did not center on Him…  How merciful He is to have given me another chance to be open to the graces He had been sending; to allow me time, and to forgive me… an opportunity to begin again.

Well, the beautiful truth remains, He did give me time; time to repent, reconcile, and permanently alter my path and therefore, the path for the family He has entrusted to mine and my husband’s care.  My love for Him is great.  My Lord is kind and merciful and I owe Him everything. 

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